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Strip. No, I started going to student parties a while ago and found them really quite dull. The red brick uni parties especially. As someone who isn’t a student, being asked for the 17th time what degree you do is really quite annoying. There always seemed to be the judgemental guilty silence that followed my saying ‘I’m not doing a degree’ and as soon as someone asks what music you like, you may as well run for the hills because only more awkward silences will pursue.

Now, I know it won’t be like this at a lot of student parties but these parties that I kept going to were full of those people that really made me wonder how they did so well. One party hosted a welsh guy that only seemed to know the words ‘bring the energy’ who later started a fight with someone about rugby (by fight I mean he took his top off and wobbled about a bit).

Anyway, I had had enough of these god awful parties but its either go to them or stay in with the currency I have so I came up with a plan. As a girl, you generally get approached by drunk men a lot at these things, like they can smell the pheromones- and they will believe anything you say. So I started lying. At one party I said that I was studying Physics and a guy bowed to me but that wasn’t enough. Now there are people among us who believe that I am a distant relative of Samuel L Jackson (I’m white), my Grandma invented the noun and if the Tudors didn’t come into power, I would technically be royalty.

I would like to advise anyone reading this that if the party is dull, pretend your Great Uncle invented the mug or something and watch people foolishly believe you.

Remember don’t try it if anyone is sober or if you know them, no one wants to be that guy.