January is coming and that means it is fast approaching exam season. The cosy warm bubble that was Christmas has officially popped and now you’re left to realise you have no idea what you’re doing and you’re going to need to surround yourself in books and revision notes for the forthcoming weeks to get a decent grade.
There are going to be tears. Lots of them.
- Angry Crying
You’ve managed to bang out four pages of an essay so you reward yourself with a snack, but your housemate just ate your last Cheesestring. You storm back to your room cursing their family like some kind of voodoo swamp witch. Later, you drop a cup of tea and find yourself getting misty-eyed at how truly useless you are. Scream into a pillow and get back to revising, you still have to read 319 pages before you can go to bed.
- Stress Crying
You have two presentations, a portfolio, an essay and two written exams due in the space of two weeks. If you only get an hour of sleep a night and eat all your meals while on the toilet you’ll totally have enough time to prepare!
Reality sets in and you decide to bury yourself in your blanket and listen to some depressing wistful indie music as the tears pour. Morrissey eat your heart out.
- The ‘I give up and I’m going to eat 3 entire pizzas’
Throw on Toy Story 3, Marley & Me or The Shawshank Redemption and prepare yourself for a food binge followed by the biggest tear storm you’ve ever witnessed. You promise yourself you’ll start jogging when exams are over, but you know you won’t.
- Over-dramatic crying
Dramatically throw yourself around your bedroom sobbing and shrieking with your nose leaking when you realise your exam is a week earlier than you thought. If your exam was a person you’d high-kick it in the face multiple times. You start contemplating breaking your arm to get an extension.
- Post-exam tears of joy
Exam season is over! You survived! Freedom never tasted so sweet and it’s over until the summer. Pretend you’re in some kind of quirky coming-of-age teen drama as a single tear artistically falls down your cheek. Reward yourself with gin and a spending spree on ASOS, you little genius.