I could write you a book of the great TV shows I watched as a child but I neither want to bore you or discuss what children used to watch. What disturbs me is what adults watch now. I love to watch documentaries of most subjects, US TV Shows, British TV shows, the odd cooking programme and some game shows. I have been a long time subscriber to the television screen. It satisfies every viewing appetite for action, drama, adrenaline, horror, thriller, education and I am not talking about movie genres.
Unfortunately, I am surrounded by generations of people who love to make morons rich and famous by watching certain shows. Geordie Shore, Ex on the Beach, Big Brother and above all else, The Kardashians who reign supreme in the Morons who got rich category. Those shows are but a few.
Television has been infected for a long time by the ‘reality’ virus. The immensely unsettling format of broadcasting we have had to resort to watching (simply because it’s bred itself on nigh on every channel) that involves watching either ‘real’ people or famous people’s ‘real lives’.
Now do not misinterpret my disdain for most ‘reality’ TV as being absolute. I do enjoy reality TV that puts ‘real’ people in extraordinary situations. TV shows that test behaviour, character and the natural instincts of people. That, to me, is entertaining.
I am going to tackle each fore-mentioned show and why I hate them. This is not a topic to invite debate or disagreement. It is simply my observation and maybe, over analysed, view of how these shows I am going to acknowledge has given birth to certain worries about people.
So, why do we not start with the very controversial ‘Geordie Shore’? Extremely popular, it has had more series than is necessary with, I believe, more in the pipeline. I must admit, when I heard about this show being produced, I was intrigued. I enjoy seeing my hometown on TV. From the first episode, I knew the portrayal of so-called ‘Geordies’ was going to cause upset. To anyone from the North East of England, they know that 95% of the cast are not even Geordies. They’re from areas and cities within reasonable distance of Newcastle so I’m sure the producers thought it would be easier to name the show after a familiar nickname for people from Newcastle but also the fact it actually gives the show’s title a good ring to it. Most places in the country and especially the world, do not know whom ‘Geordies’ refer to so, once watching the show they will have a false impression of who ‘Geordies’ actually are. That was the first thing.
The second thing I questioned was the boys. 4 ridiculously groomed boys on this side of heterosexual who tweezed, used more hairspray, make-up than the girls, tanned and the questionable fashion statements wearing t-shirts with necklines that plunged lower than the girls’ dresses. The girls, looked like they were plucked from solitary confinement from the prison Bruce Wayne gets stuck in, in The Dark Knight Rises. Once I could get passed those questionable details, I watched the first series. The first and last series I was to view in full.
So, first series, you saw 4 boys and 4 girls share a house together where they pretty much went out, got drunk, had sex, someone trashed the house, got told off by some Mutton dressed as Lamb named Anna telling them off and of course a relationship developed between two particular housemates. It seemed raw, quite realistic, shocking, funny and certainly entertaining. All of things that you want from such a show of such format.
Do not get me wrong, I am not saying that some ‘Geordies’ do not behave in the way the show displays, they do! Above all else, it would be safe to say that nigh on every Geordie loves to have a good time. All I am saying is the show has falsely advertised most of these people as being ‘Geordies’, they’re not.
Then season 2 came along with 1 departure of a guy whom has disappeared into obscurity and 2 new additions joining the cast in a different house. Same shenanigans except with more fights as I believe one of the new additions was quite volatile when he had a drink. One thing I have either seen or have been told in researching about the show, someone else trashed the house with them being told off again, by Anna who I’m uncertain of which gender category she falls into and the extremely questionable relationship between Gaz and Charlotte was a major feature of the series.
Series 3 saw the cast transported to Cancun where they continued their shenanigans. The girls seemed to relish in being promiscuous as the series goes on and the boys were still disturbingly well groomed. They were in a house being supervised by some guy who enjoyed wearing military apparel who of course, you guessed, had to kick off about someone trashing the house over clearly a manipulated situation by the producers as the reason was quite redundant to cause such anger even under the intoxication of alcohol. Ricci and Vicky (possibly the worst duo in TV history) were continuing their joke of an alleged relationship then ended up engaged even though World War 3 would break out over too much milk being put in one of their teas. Gaz and Charlotte’s erm, thing, was still going despite Gaz being a self-proclaimed playboy who “should have degree in pulling women”. Bearing in mind that the women he does pull look like they should be on The Walking Dead special of Blind Date. Not even the tide would take them out.
Each series carried on with some people leaving, new additions, yet, from what I have come to conclude, each series consists of them going out, getting drunk, having sex, getting into questionable relationships, have fights through the blatantly manipulated situations set up by the producers and one or two would continue to trash the house for absolutely no reason at all to be followed by a bullshit suspension or just another telling off from Anna the bulldog who’s still chewing on a wasp. Apart from the new additions, each series is just a re-run of the last. Some of the cast members of the show have gone on to have careers in TV, have released their own brand of consumer goods, have had endorsements from brands and for some reason, their appearance in a club is apparently worthy of buying a ticket for to some people. I understand that due to Geordie Shore these people have come to have some leverage for being accepted through their Agent’s competent negotiating skills but seeing as though that all of them have as much charisma as a wet cloth, it just shows that careers can be forged by being a puppet for MTV. That comment may attract cynicism from those who’d be saying “well I’ll be a puppet for the money they have now”, which I can appreciate that perspective. Unfortunately, I am believer that people with talent deserve money and success as opposed to undignified people willing to make to make an idiot of themselves so they can say “I’m on TV” or so they can drop that immortal line created from semi-famous imbeciles who are unwilling to pay a fiver to get into a bar and have to rely on their status to be recognised “do you know who I am?”, which one of the original cast members of Geordie Shore actually had to say to avoid a minor queue of a well established bar in Newcastle. Another one of a much higher profile, who is extremely popular at the moment, went into an independent restaurant, completely under the influence of cocaine, complained about the wrong dish being accidentally placed in front of her. As a previous worker in restaurants, I can understand why customers would be upset if they had been waiting an excessive amount of time for their food, only to get their hopes up of the approaching staff member equipped with steaming hot plates, only to have to tell them “I didn’t order that”. But this particular evening, the restaurant was semi-busy and her dish was simply placed 20cm away from her, in good time I might add, in front of her companion. The inexperienced member of staff whom served her could have made a much worse mistake than that. But she felt entitled to argue with the manageress of the restaurant, she then went into the women’s toilets where a member of staff was just washing her hands, she went into a cubicle and the staff member heard her without shame snort cocaine. As she came out, I actually was on my way to the men’s only to see her eyes glazed and her trying to clearly wipe something from her nostril. I was simply furnished with the information of the snorting afterwards. She then left this independent restaurant, which was trying to survive in the relentless economy at the time owned by a family man who was trying to earn a crust to pay his bills, and bashed it all over twitter. Sending a bad message to her substantial amount of social followers. This woman is a popular figure at the moment, yet few would know the incidents I have just described. Now, if she was not a cast member of a popular, controversial show would she still have felt entitled to react in such a way? I am not going to name & shame but all I’m going to say is she visited the jungle in Australia and her jaw has not returned since. Which by the way, I still do not know how such an obvious physical change, which was not present in the earlier seasons of Geordie Shore, actually struggles to keep her jaw under control has not been questioned? Just in case you’re wondering, cocaine has quite an effect on your jaw when taken in excessive amounts. That’s just when under the influence, you can only imagine how much you have to take if your jaw reacts the same way if you are not under the influence.
The next on my hit list, Ex on the Beach. The format of the show is an equal amount of men and women of a around the same age are sent to an exotic villa, where they can flirt, date, kiss and even more then one of their exes is sent to the island which is meant to cause tension. The reasons are meant to be obvious why it causes tension yet those reasons seem to evade my understanding. So, say for example. Boy 1 becomes interested in a girl, things continue to heat up then the boy’s ex arrives on the island.

The key word being ‘ex’. The reaction of boy 1 is one of someone who can not deal with their ex arriving on the island. The whole point of the show so I do not understand the surprise? Boy 1 fears that is going to cause hindrance to the growing attraction between him and the other girl. Why? The ‘ex’ is an ex for a reason, clearly boy 1 and the ex went their separate ways so what difference does it make that they are there? So just because they have arrived on the island that means that your interest is threatened for the other girl? This show is just a complete farce and feeds off the whole ‘ex’ unrest of most who have one. It does however display the psychopathy of women, who are incredibly insecure and immediately react to their threat that they feel from their new beau’s ex by going on the offence. They attack the girl who technically, has a little more entitlement to have contact with their new date than them purely on the basis that the psycho probably doesn’t even know her new flame’s last name.
Big Brother. A bunch of strangers locked up in a house, cut off from the outside world, they have to complete tasks to win rewards, tensions rise of course, conflict and attraction as always between two members. This was interesting at first as it was a completely new idea and opened the door for many other reality TV shows. There have been nearly 20 series of Big Brother featuring your average joes. And yes, they are simply in a house still, have tasks to win awards, tensions, conflict and romance. Same shit, different people yet it still continues to be produced and aired, why?
Finally, although I could go on all day, I must get to the very people that inject me with venomous hatred for the morons who continue to watch it. The Kardashians. I have mentioned them in a previous article. This is a show that follows a completely talentless, spoilt, insincere, self-indulgent socialites living in luxury. The only credible associations to this family is the fact the father was a celebrity lawyer (that’s right, a lawyer in America is being considered credible) and the fact the step father was an Olympic Champion. So, there was the presence of talent in the form of two people in this family. One’s dead and the other’s known for something completely different yet still credible.
Anyway, this show has been on air for far longer than necessary. The profile of this previously unknown family was significantly increased by the sex video of Kim Kardashian being leaked by her ex. Then they were apparently worth a show being produced about them? This family have made a ridiculous amount of money since the start of their show from doing nothing worth memory space in your brain whilst the idiots who are probably scraping by month by month help to buy their silver spoons. Kim, the ex pornstar with an ego even bigger than her famous arse who had a child naming them following inspiration from a compass with the biggest waste of skin and talent , Kourtney who would turn any man into an alcoholic with her incredibly boring personality, Khloe, the warthog of the family who actually reconciled, whether briefly or not, with her husband who suffered some kind of seizure or attack following consuming a bevvy of strippers and cocaine. Kendall Jenner, I’d say the prettiest, currently on the journey of a successful catwalk model. She did not have to suffer the trials and tribulations of most models and quickly achieved a respectable status. I can’t say it is a career she may not have completely achieved on her own but the speed of her success can be clearly owed to her status gained through the abysmal TV show. Kylie Jenner, just like the rest of her family, a waste of oxygen who walks around her massive mansion at 18 years old crying the blues. Clearly she has lived in the shadow of her more attractive sibling, so she pumped up her lips, has make-up expertly applied daily, takes unfathomable pictures of her scantily clad hips and uploads them to social media to receive near to a million likes, is in a relationship with a man twice her age, trying to force a maturity she’ll never reach to hide incredibly visible insecurities and immaturity. Her career is based on Instagram likes and currently she’s thriving for absolutely no reason at all. This show has attracted a mass following of people with questionable character who can be entertained by these impertinent, boring people and watch them eat, talk about their major life’s problems which consist of not having enough cheese on their waffles, talk bollocks about their justifications behind every reaction to the most insignificant event but especially their relationships. Kris Jenner, the anti-Christ, goes on as if she has major parenting problems whilst she continues to expertly navigate all of her children’s careers with her masterful knowledge of publicity with as much charisma as pile of cow dung. These people are so lifeless that even the events of conflict are expressed in the same monotonous tone they all project. They have appeared in endless photo shoots, talk shows, Kim has even made cringe-worthy appearances in movies, they relish in their own love for their self-perceived importance, they are clearly seen as role models but the biggest self-indulgence of these yetis, they are executive producers of their own show. That’s right, they actually receive money to continue making a show about themselves, seething with self-assurance that the world is that interested in them. And as much as I would love to contradict that statement, I unfortunately can’t. There is a substantial portion of this world who continue to watch their drivel, keeping them on the air, to see them lavishing in their luxury through no labour at all. One of them could post a photo of the back end of a horse (or Kim for that matter) and it would get 2 million likes. They could tweet the fact that they have just donated 25 pence to Children in Need, and they’d be called philanthropists.
The people who continue to feed demand for such drivel, help to keep morons rich and famous whilst they will be on an average wage at best. But not just that. I do not understand what entertainment can be found watching the 10th series of the same show pretty much?
Reality TV has hijacked the interests of people and somehow has kept that interest captive for some time. It has drained the intelligence out of its audience creating a bunch of braindead zombies who feed the ratings figures with views yet it’s these so called ‘celebrities’ who reap the benefits.
I hope people will see the light soon, stop feeding the mouths of those who don’t deserve it and get back to where true entertainment can be found.