James FyfeThis weekend’s ‘X Factor’ saw Ella Henderson ruthlessly booted off the show in another ‘shock’ elimination, upsetting the bookies in the process. So shocking was this elimination that it forced Tulisa to yet again bring up her ‘urban roots’, something increasingly laughable bearing in mind Tulisa is responsible for a song on her impending debut record entitled ‘British Swag’. Indeed, one quick google search reveals some ‘totes emosh’ GIFs from a past series of ‘Skins’ and a sepia-edited promo pic of Rizzle Kicks – $waG indeed.
Yet, besides Tulisa’s bizarre threat, it was a sad day seeing a genuinely talented artist face a wave of public rejection, but when it comes down to it, where we ever expecting anything else? This season of ‘X Factor’ has been the worst, full to the brim of desperate attempts to win back ratings. The vaguely interesting acts such as Jade Ellis and Carolynne Poole were eliminated at early stages, leaving an inevitable pool of mediocre talent. Take James Arthur, for instance; a perfectly competent musician that, if emerging victorious, will be savaged and stripped of any uniqueness by the powers that be at SyCo, although his brand of angry emotional music isn’t really my cup of tea so, to be frank, it wouldn’t really bother me. Furthermore, ‘totes emosh’ Christopher Maloney, the contestant who is so sickeningly nice on stage you can’t help but sense that he exits stage door left, and stamps on a few stray kittens and puppies, is still knocking around. Also knocking around is Jahmene Douglas, who last week, if truth be told, butchered Beyoncé’s ‘Listen’ to the point where it connoted memories of the karaoke bar in my student union where various drunk sportsmen and women scream over instrumental backing tracks. “YOU’RE GONNA LOVE MAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY” he yelped; anything Jahmene – just take it down a few notches yes?
If Ella Henderson’s exit was the painful shock, Olly Murs’ performance was the painful inevitability. Watching Murs writhe around the stage singing a Maroon 5 cast off whilst referencing his crotch is enough to put anyone off their dinner, but it’s made worse by the fact that the song is pretty awful as well. Alicia Keys fared much better, but I’m not sure just how good her performance was, as in comparison to the performance beforehand, the ‘powers that be’ at ‘X’ could have brought back Wagner for a reprise of his She Bangs/Love Shack mash up, and it would have been a form of improvement. Meanwhile, Gary’s still looking as if he wants to be anywhere but there and Nicole is just working the smug-swag vibe impeccably.
As the final controversial decision was made, and Ella was sent packing, twitter erupted with angry emotion! “Fix!” one tweet cried; “I’ll never watch again” asserted another. Unfortunately, it looks as if the twitter army are about as transparent as the cling film used to keep Louis’ hair in place.