It’s tough being a student.
Whereas the students of yesteryear only had White Lightning, MarioKart and MTV to contend with, today’s student is forever dodging curveballs – most of them coming from the murky world of the internet.
Here we investigate 6 major downfalls for the student generation.
You may well find yourself nodding along in agreement, especially number 4. This is why we fail at life.
Drugs Can Be Addictive (Very)
You know what’s so nineties? Weed, man.
This generation’s students are all about popping playful, punchy, pills.
And pills and tabs are cheaper than alcohol too. But you could argue it’s all in the name of research. Eighty-seven per cent of Philosophy students have taken drugs. If a drug gets popped and there’s no-one to hear it, does it make a sound?
Spending More Time Gaming
Err, hello?? Have you actually seen the graphics for GTA5 on PS4? Any student worth their salt has pulled an all-nighter playing this highly addictive, never-ending simulation game.
By the age of 21, the average student has clocked up an impressive 10,000 hours of gaming. But when you compare studying to watching a strip show, flying a commercial jet or just hanging out with Chop, it’s a no brainer. GTA all the way.
Talking of pulling all night, excessive masturbation is the perfect reason not to go into college the next day. Twenty-six per cent of students admit to masturbating once or twice a week. Nineteen per cent claim they have never masturbated. *cough* yeah right *cough*.
You’re tired, you’ve been up all night on Porn Tube and all you want to do is sleep it off. And you need to get rid of the evidence before your mum brings you your morning cuppa.
Ahh alcohol, our old buddy. The average student chooses to spend £20 a week on alcohol, compared with only £10 a week on food.
Heading to ‘Pound a Pint’ night after a heavy day with the books has been the downfall of many a student.
‘Screw tomorrow, have another shot, you’ll be fine,’ sweet alcohol whispers to you.
Except you never are.
And no. A kebab and cheesy chips at 3am, when you’re freezing and desperate, doesn’t soak it up either
Sixty per cent of students opt for a take away every week. So whilst the pounds are piling on, the money is rolling out.
It’s not just take-aways either. Keeping up with the rest of the freshers at university does more damage to your bank balance; students in the North East of England blow their whole loan in six weeks. That’s a lot of kebab.
But don’t worry, the bank of mum and dad has endless funds, right?
Narcissism’s Not Dead
With so many apps like Tinder, Whatsapp and Instagram vying for your time, studying doesn’t have a chance.
Why flick through a textbook when you can flick through your town’s latest hot or not characters instead and maybe get a few sexts out of it as well.
But you’ve got to get that initial photo right. British women spend a month of their lives taking selfies. That roughly translates to 753 hours. Meh. If that’s how long it takes to perfect the duck face, so be it.
A startling one in three photos sent by 18-24 year olds is a selfie. Thirty-six per cent of these are altered, or at least, only thirty-six per cent admit to altering them. #nofilter #thatmaynotbetrue
Author Bio: Jenny Wescott is recent graduate from Brighton University who now works on an academic research facility known as Ivory Research. She enjoys anything that contains an element of humour. And loves to write and share anything that helps or entertains students.