After weeks of trashy telly, calorie consuming chocolate and affordable alcohol, you’ve lost all hope in ever recovering from the worst feeling imaginable – heart break. Whilst rolling out of bed in an attempt to try and find The Notebook, hidden under hundreds of wrappers and tissues, you start to wonder, when did it all go wrong? Or more specifically, how did I get it so wrong? We, as women, go over and over every dinner date and phone conversation, dissecting every single piece of information from the relationship and try to see how you could have fixed it. You try to blame and hate him for everything, but you don’t of course, which starts the process all over again.
Time is the best healer in break ups, and after you vow to never fall in love again, you start to concentrate on the more important things in life. By putting away your Beyonce CD’s and ‘How to be a woman’ books and focus on your career, family and friends. On nights out with the girls, they have decided that you’ve wasted enough time to recover, figure out who you are, order Chinese for one, and are starting to pick out your next suitor. Leaving you running to the bathroom having a mini panic attack and a quick crying session. How do you know when you’re ready?
But finally, out of the blue, when you least expect it, in the most normal of places, a new man finally catches your eye. Your pulse starts getting quicker and your cheeks start heating up. He is just perfect. And for the first time, you feel ready. With experience and wisdom under your belt, you naturally approach this new relationship with haste and precaution. But after a fantastic couple of months getting to know each other emotionally and physically – of course – you start to feel comfortable together and are looking to the future. It’s always a dangerous path to follow, but subconsciously, we can’t help ourselves. You’ll be snuggling up together in bed drifting into a peaceful sleep, then BOOM, the first wedding day dream creeps in totally unexpectedly. Followed by your little boy running around the garden with his daddy as you watch on happily from your terrace balcony. But how do you know he is the one? He is perfect in every way possible and has never shown any doubt of hurting you or leaving. But isn’t that what you thought about the last one? How do you know he is worthy of you and is different? After much research and my own experience and opinions, I have conquered this milestone. If your man is anything like this or could be in the future, then you are already half way there.
1. He enjoys his job
This means consistent happiness and success in the home. If he loves his job or is content with what he is doing, especially if he has worked hard for it, then that reflects on how he’ll work on your relationship. He won’t settle for second best and will continue and show his commitment. It will also limit his whinging and whining!!
2. MUST be good with dogs
A man’s relationship with his dog reflects his relationship with you. Dogs need looking after, comfort, commitment and love. Even if he doesn’t have his own, try and notice how he is with other people’s dogs. If he starts throwing them sticks and using the voice reserved for babies, then that is just as good. If he runs away screaming and locks himself in the bathroom – turn away now!!
3. Enjoys all takeaway options
One of life’s biggest decisions. Chinese or Indian? It is finally Friday and when you walk in the door, he says the one thing which explains why you love him: “Shall we have Chinese or Indian tonight? I don’t mind, you can choose!” Easy, simple and to the point. He knows you can’t be dealing with a lecture about healthy eating and a rant over the pros and cons of poppadoms and leaves you with the decision. What more could you want?
4. Laugh at you when you fall over
Now, this point needs to be explained delicately. I’m not saying he should film you and put it on Youtube. But if you take a tumble and completely humiliate yourself, you have two options – laugh or cry. Crying is definitely the more embarrassing option and we all know he’ll be thinking “oh crap, what is she going to do?” So put him out of his misery, by making a joke and smiling. That way, he’ll be more likely to help you up and give you a massive hug, and it will cheer you up considerably.
5. Gets along with your girls
The horrible first meet with your new boyfriend and your girlfriend’s is always a dreaded one. What if they hate him or he hates them? But trust me, he’ll be way more nervous than you! He knows that if this doesn’t go to plan, he is straight out the door. They picked up the pieces after the previous “he who shall not be named” ex and know all your deepest, darkest secrets. But when they see how much effort he makes with them and continues to show how much he loves you month after month, then he is definitely a keeper.
6. What about his friends?
“Babe, do you mind if the lads join us on Friday night?” – Ugh. Make or break time. You hope they turn out to be like the boys from Friends, and not the Inbetweeners! You don’t want them to be boring, but you don’t want them to be calling you ‘wench’ or ‘ball and chain’ behind your back either. His friendships say a lot about him and who he decides to spend his time with. Because when you fall out, they’ll be the ones giving him the advice!! If you get along with them, that’s great, if you don’t, just give them time. Bare in mind that they probably think you’re going to take their boy away from them. But if they’re anything like him, then you have nothing to worry about.
7. Doesn’t mind your wobbly bits
That heart breaking moment in Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason, where Mark Darcy is completely baffled as to why Bridget tries to get changed under a massive bed sheet, is one of my favourite scenes of all time. Sudden flashbacks of my own previous and similar situations creep into my mind as I watch it and I cringe into a ball on the floor. But why? Yes a Victoria Secret Model is beautiful to look at and yes I am sure that vegan and smoothie diet is delicious, but is that what your man needs? NO! Skin and bone won’t keep him warm at night and honestly, he doesn’t care about your weight. The only person who cares is YOU! Let it go and relax with him. He fell in love with ALL of you. They’re not called love handles for nothing.
8. If he can cook, but also looks like he can hunt the dinner and make the fire too
There is something incredibly sexy about a man who can cook. Especially if he has the manly, caveman look about him as well. But just make sure he doesn’t act like a caveman either! It’s not just because it means you don’t have to cook all the time, but it shows that he has patience, creativity but will probably make you a bit fat. Compromise and co-operation are what makes long lasting couples. So sharing jobs such as cooking, means more you time or something you can do together.
9. Wears the silly cracker hat at Christmas
The man who is too cool to wear the paper Christmas hat at the dinner table, is a man who clearly takes himself too seriously and probably loves himself as well. It means he is lacking joy, fun and openness. You want to be with someone who doesn’t care what people think and more on what you think of him.
10. Makes you laugh
Humour is associated with intelligence and honesty – that is why women are attracted to men with a sense of humour. Not only does Science and Math prove that humour is key to a successful relationship, but it is also common sense. Laughter makes you feel more relaxed and confident in yourself. At the end of the day, all you want is happiness and companionship. Humour and laughter is key to reaching this goal, no matter how terrible his jokes are!
I know he’s out there somewhere, so follow your intuition and listen to your gut instinct. Be strong, good luck and have fun!