Every year, around this sort of time, I feel tense, uncomfortable and generally more uncertain about the direction my life is taking. Why does this happen to me every year? Is this a feeling common to you too?
I have encountered this feeling so regularly now that I have worked out that it is largely due to my changing circumstances. I feel more panicky and look for any possible escape routes I can take to relieve me of this overwhelming pressure that I feel. For example, last year, when I started my first year of University, for the first few weeks or so, I was adamantly looking at courses at different universities, all of which I then believed were better suited to me than the course I had foolishly decided to spend the next three years studying. After numerous phone calls to various relatives, all of whom told me sternly to keep on with my course, as well as the incoming pile of work which quickly distracted me from these concerns, I settled down, I felt less panicky, and I realised that these thoughts I had been having were as irrational as my family members had been telling me for weeks. So, on my restarting of University this year, I was prepared and aware of how I would be tempted to act, and so far, I think I have managed fine, although I do have a lot of work to do, which has led to occasional moments of stress (nothing out of the ordinary, I can assure you). But now my question is, why am I prone to getting so stressed out by change, and why is my first reaction always to seek out the nearest escape route?
I guess it can all be related to psychology through the common phrase “fight or flight”. When encountering change in the past, I have almost always ran off in the opposite direction, back to the safety of my family home. But I don’t want to live like that anymore. Although I have no idea what direction I want to head in in terms of my life plan (I’m sure no one else knows this either), I know running away from the things which scare me is not the right answer. I know that it may take me time to get comfortable, however comfortable the place may have been over the previous year (such as getting back into the swing of clubs which I had been heavily involved in), and that I’ve just got to accept this calmly, without making any snap judgements about how there must be something mortally wrong with me.
I am a person who is not confident 100% of the time, but who knows that putting in time and perseverance are vital in becoming more so. I am a person who gets scared, but does not want to let this fear beat them anymore. I am a person who is trying to be okay with normality whilst still trying to be as great as I have the potential to be. And I won’t stop trying until I can try no longer. And I hope the same will apply to you, throughout any tough patches you may have. Trust me, there is so much strength in just trying, and not giving up, that I could write an essay on it. That reminds me… my studies and my life are calling! Time to get back to lovely reality.